On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
