he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
