I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
