I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
