check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
