I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize