Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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