what day is it and did you see me today?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
