Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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