i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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