I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i will never coherently bang her
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
