i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
