i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
