If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
