At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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