i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
