If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
