I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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