well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize