she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.