Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
