I met the friendliest cop last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.