Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
