"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
