is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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