I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
