she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
