my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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