You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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