can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
