yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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