Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
