I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
