I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
