He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize