Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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