Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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