if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
