As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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