I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
