I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
