If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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