i wish starbucks made bloody marys
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
