If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
