just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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