Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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