try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
