you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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