i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
