I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
