is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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