from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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