Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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