why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
