I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
