does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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