I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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