if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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