we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
