where am i from again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
