You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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