Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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