Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
