at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
