Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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