i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
