i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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