is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
