Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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