Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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