I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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