I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
