i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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